Thursday, September 5, 2013

parents, do you ever get angry at your kids?

This morning I was so upset with Alice.
Or should I put it as 'angry' instead?

Here is the thing.
Evey morning
before going out
I will put some lipstick on
I try not to do that when Alice is around
because for sure
she will want her turn!

grooming 101
Well, actually there's no real 'applying'
when it comes to Alice and lipstick
since she doesn't know
the secret of popping the lipstick out from the tube
(that's my BIG secret,
don't you dare tell her!).
When she gets her hand on a lipstick
she will undo the cap,
figure out which is lipstick and which is cap,
then she will try to put on some lipstick -
with me constantly reminding her
"Letak sikit saja, banyak² tak cantik".
Which never stops her
to do few rounds of 'donning her lipstick on'.

Being 2 years old
Alice was utterly sure
that the lipstick never did actually touches her lips
so her next blatant move
was to use her index finger
to dig the helpless lipstick out.

Which was why I often told her
" ... don't use your finger, please ..."

archive: Alice 9 months back

That was what happened this morning.
Due to too much dead skin cell (ladies you know what I mean!)
I opted to give it some time
and then only do the lipstick
in the car instead.
With Alice sitting right beside me
(daddy, boleh tak tolong letak Alice dalam toddler car seat dia, please?).

Naturally, she wants her turn.
No problem.
Even afterwards, when I asked for the lipstick back,
Alice insists she wants to hold on it
for a wee bit longer.

Oh no!!!
It was when I get out of the car
as we reached the nursery
- after gathering all her stuff at the back of the car
then I realized
Alice got lipstick all over her finger!

It made me so furious!
My lipstick tube was ruined!
There are lipstick smudge on the car seat
(do you know how hard it is to clean lipstick mark off fabric?!).
Alice's finger was stained
and she will cause more mess with that!

So what did I do?!
I sternly told her
I've remind her never to use her finger on lipstick.
I angrily grabbed a tissue
and clean her hand with it.
Then I froze for a few good seconds
to let the her understand how angry I was.

Alice gets it alright.
She's kept her silence,
head down,
no eye contact,
helplessly sitting still.

It was in that exact moment
I remembered
that we as parents can educate/punish our children
but NOT when we're angry.

Are you really sorry?
I asked Alice to say her sorry
(despite the facts
that people say
at this point,
children do not really understand
the concept of being sorry).
Still staring down,
in a small voice
almost can only be herd by herself
Alice lets out a
"I'm sorry, mommy".

We walked to school in silence.
No hand holding.
No body contact.
No jokes.
No laughter.
No hopping.
With tense so thick
ones can almost cut it with a birthday cake knife
(things you'll say when you are a mom!).


It definitely breaks my heart to see Alice like that.
Before she went in
I gave her a hug
and told her, again
"Don't use finger, mommy marah"
Alice lets out a small

Ok sikit lepas repaired.
It's not about the measly lipstick.
It's about respecting boundaries!

How to get positively angry?
So parents,
have you ever get angry at your kids?
In a positive way?

To me
it is not about the RM30 lipstick
but it is about overstepping boundaries.
I want Alice to know
NO means NO.

I am a dotting mother.
I agree with attached parenting.
I opt for psychological approach
way before the sharp disappointing look
(and caning!).
Nonetheless, there will be times
when I have to be firm
to get the message around.

So, how did YOU handle it? ...

p/s: kenapa lepas marah rasa bersalah pulak?
My intention was noble!
Susahnya nak jadi mak garang yang penyayang

0 orang ckp 'shut up u!':

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